not easy.

This walk with the Lord is anything but, easy. It is fruitful, it is a journey, it is encouraging, it is joyful...but not easy. At times it may seem so, but then we need to ask...does that mean I am growing?  Or am i just going through routine? business as usual, so to speak.  However,  a twist on this thought is that when we are relying on ourselves to accomplish anything it may not be easy...relying on the Holy Spirit is easy.  Doesn't He say- My yoke is easy, my burden is light?  Well yes, it is, when we are surrendering to ourselves. Surrendering to our own dreams, our own goals, our own wants.  Now the surrendering --that's not the easy part.  Is death easy? Is dying painless?  Dying to our own desires, our own will, our own dreams.

We need to be careful what we attach to.  "Detachment is the great secret of interior peace.  Along the way, in the journey with Christ, we get attached to (literally 'nailed to') behaviors, habits, things and people in an unhealthy way", as stated in Emotionally Healthy Spirituality by Peter Scazzero.  He goes on to say that we rarely know how attached we are to something until it is removed.  Then the power struggle begins.

Szazzero goes on to say, 'we are to appreciate nature, people and all God's gifts, along with His presence  in Creation-----without being ensnared by them. It has rightly been said that those who are the most detached on the journey are best able to taste the purest joy in the beauty of created things.  The critical issue on this journey with God is not "Am I happy?", but "Am I free?"  We are to live our lives as the rest of the world--marrying, experiencing sorrow and joy, buying things and using them--but always with awareness that these things in themselves are not our lives.   We are marked for eternity, free from the dominating power of things.   Among our losses, God answers-- No, you don't need that. You need me!'

'The journey with Jesus calls us to a life of undivided devotion to Him.  This requires that we simplify our lives, removing distractions.  Part of that will mean grieving our losses and embracing the gift of our limits.'

While reading this book over Christmas break and intentionally journaling, seeking God for a personal revival, more depth in Him and a greater capacity to love Him and others, we have heard the news that our little Kaylee has been adopted by a Russian family.   All along, I have known that circumstances could change at anytime and 'not to get too attached until its final', however I still have had a level of attachment to Kaylee.  This is normal and completely healthy as we had a picture and information about her!  So this is grieved by Derek and I, our children, our families and by you all that have supported us along this journey.  We have no control over this happening.   The joy in this is that she has a home!  She has a home and we are thankful that it could be a Christian home. Praise God and we pray for this!

We do not ask for pity or anyone to feel sorry for us, we ask for you to REJOICE with us! We ask that you rejoice with us that she has a home! :)   Yet we will Praise God!  Rejoice in our trials (James 1) He says, so that is what we will and MUST do!  He commands us to do this, so please do this with us! We have to remember God is much bigger than us!  

Please don't think we are not grieving. We have grieved over the past several weeks of knowing this possibility. There have been times of anger and frustration over the system, having her picture and profile, etc....but we now rejoice. We rejoice she has a home, we rejoice in our trial, we rejoice in our faith being tested, we rejoice in our friends and family supporting us and being on this journey with us.  We now trust the Lord once again for His great provision for this little girl and for the next one!  We are so grateful that there is another one that can have a family.  Come on church---rise up and BE.  Be what God had commanded us to be. As my husband said earlier just today, as we were leaving church and I said once again, it is sad....he said, 'yes, but it is about an orphan having a home, not about our feelings'.

We look forward to this next step in our lives and in the lives of all the orphans in need.  We continue to be reminded that God has called us to be a voice for the voiceless and this is not just about one little girl. We continue to ask the Lord for ways to be their voice.

We desire to grow our family and have more children as well, don't get us wrong, He has definitely given us that desire! However, we will wait on the Lord knowing that He has a perfect timing and a perfect will.  We will continue to seek to offer our lives to Him in obedience asking Him to grow us and change us in Him.  Come Lord Jesus! :)